Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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