drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
