True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
