the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
