girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Text me some of your sweat
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
