They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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