I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
