We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
we're so committed to being not committed
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
