You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
