I think scott just propositioned me for sex
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
