I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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