my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
