That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Randomize
