a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
