U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
