Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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