Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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