You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I think my moral compass just broke
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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