i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
