I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
