The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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