In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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