seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
