Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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