Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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