I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
