Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
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