your thong is hanging out like whoa
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
