Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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