I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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