Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
