$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
