I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
