One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
