They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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