i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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