You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
