hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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