I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
