P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
this will be a night to untag.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
