just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
