If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
