she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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