You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I smell stomach acid.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
