i just had sex bonerless
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
