Welp...herpes.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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