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google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
