I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
