shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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