I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
