And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
