you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
