Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Your shirt... Was in my pants
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
