Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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