it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
