I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
